Sometimes (fine ALL the time), it's like she doesn't know me at all...

Christmas Morning...

Mom: Instead of making the [delicious] breakfast casserole I usually make [and that you've been craving and dreaming of and is probably the only reason you even decided to show up to this hellish event we call Christmas], I thought we'd all make breakfast together!

Me: That's great. But you know... I don't cook.

Mom: Well you're REALLY going to regret that when your in-laws come over for brunch.

And after eating the breakfast scramble she made, I'm going to have to go ahead and assume that is why she never remarried. That, or the fact that she makes comments like the one above. Whichever.

*All words in brackets were added by me. Because you couldn't figure that out on your own.