oopsie daisy

Speaking of the Wicked Witch of the West...

I sent my mom the following email today:

"Ross' birthday is on Sunday. Are we doing anything for him?"

and this was her response...

"I am not as I have not talked with him since Christmas. I am simply a sometime-obligation for him. 

We have Wicked on Tuesday. I meant to mail you the ticket before I left so we could just meet in the theater. I will meet you near the box office. BTW are you still free to go because if not I do not want to waste the ticket. 

Mom"

So in other news, I'm still trying to figure out why it is I don't have any maternal instincts. If y'all can come up with ANY reasons... any reasons at all, I'd love to hear them!

p.s. Can't WAIT for Wicked on Tuesday. That's gonna be SUCH a blast!!!

Good thing I left out the part about the nipple tassels.

Last night's dinner date texted me at 5:30 p.m.:

"What are you wearing?"

I prefer my dirty text messages to be a bit more creative, but decided to somewhat play along nonetheless. So I responded:

"If I answer that question honestly, you'll be very disappointed. Although, I'm at work, so I imagine if I told you I were naked, that might freak you out a bit."

And I'm sure it would have. Except that he just wanted to take me somewhere nice and was considerately checking in to see if I'd need to go home and change clothes before our reservation.

Frankly, after my text, I'm surprised he even bothered with the dinner at all...

He asked me to stop blogging about him, but I'm pretty sure all bets are off at this point.

Some of you may be wondering where "The Boy I'm Not Dating" went. Believe me, I know how hard it can be; you get attached to the characters in my blog and then poof! they disappear never to be seen or heard from again. And because every character in a story deserves a full arc, I feel it's only fair to let you know that "The Boy I'm Not Dating" has become "The Boy I'm Dating" --- just not for me.

And how did I find this out, you may ask?

Was it during the four hours dinner and drinks (non) date a few weeks ago? Or maybe during the heart-to-heart we had on the promenade by the water after dinner and drinks with friends soon after? Or did he think to tell me before, during, or after my six-hour company party which, by the way, he asked if he could be my date for?

No, no, no, you silly geese!

I found out the way we find out all good news from close friends these days...

I found out from Facebook.

Because I can't imagine EVER blurting out something inappropriate...

I was at a restaurant recently with a friend when I decided to order myself a glass of white wine.

[I'll stop and give you a minute to recover from the shock.]

[I'm waiting......]

[All better? Good.]

After requesting my glass of wine, and mispronouncing the name of the vineyard (I love when they say it back to you the correct way just so you can truly feel like a complete ass), the waitress requested the pleasure of viewing my driver's license photo. Except when she said it, it came out more like, "Can I see some ID?"

I fumbled around in my over-sized bag, and finally managed to procure my license amongst a sea of individually wrapped Twizzlers I'll never eat, wads of restaurant receipts I'll never look at again, and tubes of lipstick I'll never apply.

I handed my license to her, at which point she looked at my birth date and exclaimed, "Oh wow! You're REALLY old."

"Wait," I said. "I'm sorry, but did you just call me 'REALLY old'?"

"Yes," she said. And then, because I imagine she wanted to know whether it was even worth bothering to give good service at that point, she asked, "So, who's paying?"

I threw my hand up in the air and said, "I am!" and I can honestly say I've never been happier to buy a $93 lunch than I was that day.