oopsie daisy

Fortunately for Him (and Me, I Suppose), He's Hot

I'm getting ready in the bathroom this morning wearing a pair of white linen pants and a black bra when the boy I'm seeing says, "I like those pants."

I reply, "Really?" because thus far in the morning he's criticized my artwork (or lack thereof), my choice of soap (bar, and not fancy), and the absence of dowels (to hold up the window so he can smoke cigarettes at 8:45 a.m.)... all in a ten minute time frame.

"Yeah," he says. "I like them... Now I'm just waiting to see how you fuck them up with your top."

And people wonder why I drink.

Is that a request or a statement?

I'd like to take a moment to thank this fellow for the endless hours of laughter he brought into my life this past weekend.

Good thing I left out the part about the nipple tassels.

Last night's dinner date texted me at 5:30 p.m.:

"What are you wearing?"

I prefer my dirty text messages to be a bit more creative, but decided to somewhat play along nonetheless. So I responded:

"If I answer that question honestly, you'll be very disappointed. Although, I'm at work, so I imagine if I told you I were naked, that might freak you out a bit."

And I'm sure it would have. Except that he just wanted to take me somewhere nice and was considerately checking in to see if I'd need to go home and change clothes before our reservation.

Frankly, after my text, I'm surprised he even bothered with the dinner at all...

How.

Hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving. Between the amazing dinner, the spontaneous dance party and singing "We Are Family" at the karaoke bar, I'd say mine was the best one yet. Oh, and I finally gave my mom the grandchild she's always begging for. Right before doing a shot of Wild Turkey and throwing it across the room.

Originally posted on daisy.vox.com

Nope. And it probably won't get me laid either.

 My older brother and I live in the same apartment building. In fact, he's the manager of the apartment building. I know this automatically sounds like a hilarious set-up for a Friends-esque sit com, but really it's more like, "Hey, I know this is super annoying, but a seven foot centipede crawled across my foot this morning. Do you mind calling the exterminator?" and then he says "Go buy some bug spray" and then I start to secretly resent him and plot how I can gather all the centipedes of the world and slip them under his door. And when this is happening neither of us has adorable haircuts (except me) or super-cute outfits (except me) or over-sized apartments with great views (except me).

It does however mean that we can share moments like this over instant messenger:

Todd: You got a package!!! Looks like it's from Victoria's Secret!

Me: It is.

Todd: I knew that's what the VS stood for.

Me: You're so smart.

Todd: OMG OMG! What did you get?

Me: A $45 bra.

Todd: $45?! Does it come with an extra cup size?